Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
