I wish I only lived at night.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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