My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
