Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
