he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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