is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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