Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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