Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
