first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
my being single is dangerous.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
