and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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