I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize
