Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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