His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
