I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
