She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
