I will die if light touches me.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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