My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
