is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
