I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
This is classic penis vs brain.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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