tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
