i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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