I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
