yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
