sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
