I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
