So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
