I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
