Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
