I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
