Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
