My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You took a bar mat shot.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
