: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
