New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize
