the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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