Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
