Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
