Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
