we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
