All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
