How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
