after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
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