Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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