Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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