This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
