she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
please come you make the beer taste better
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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