We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
