you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
