I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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