It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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