I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
