Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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