dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
