pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
