she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
