dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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