I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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