i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
