After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Randomize
